


A Bro By Any Other Name

by thehibiscusthief



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: M/M, Romeo and Juliet AU, Sort Of, bro used as a gender neutral term, crack??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:48:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28122627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehibiscusthief/pseuds/thehibiscusthief
Summary: CHADBut, soft! what shadow through yonder window moves?It is the esophagus, and Whiskey is one beer too many.WHISKEYAy me!
Relationships: LAX Bro/Connor "Whiskey" Whisk
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22
Collections: the renaissance fic collection





	A Bro By Any Other Name

**ACT 2 SCENE 2**

**SCENE II. SMH's yard.**

_Enter CHAD_

**CHAD**

He jests at Ls that never felt a wound.

_WHISKEY appears above at a bathroom window_

But, soft! what shadow through yonder window moves?  
It is the esophagus, and Whiskey is one beer too many.  
Arise, fair tadpole, and check the envious Wellie,  
Who is already drunk and pale with grief,  
That thou their forward art far more fair than them:  
Be not their maid, since they are envious;  
Their hockey uniform is but sick and nasty  
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.  
It is my bro, O, it is my love!  
O, that he knew he were!  
He speaks yet he says nothing: what of that?  
His eye discourses; I will answer it.  
I am too bold, 'tis not to me he speaks:  
Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,  
Having some business, do entreat his eyes  
To twinkle in their spheres till they return.  
What if his eyes were there, they in his head?  
The brightness of his cheek would shame those stars,  
As stadium lights doth a lamp; his eyes in heaven  
Would through the airy region stream so bright  
That students would groan and think it were not night.  
See, how he leans his cheek upon his hand!  
O, that I were a glove upon that hand,  
That I might touch that cheek!

**WHISKEY**

Ay me!

**CHAD**

He speaks:  
O, speak again, bright angel! for thou art  
As glorious to this night, being o'er my head  
As is a winged lacrosse ball of heaven  
Unto the white-upturned wondering eyes  
Of mortals that fall back to gaze on him  
When he bestrides the lazy-pacing clouds  
And sails upon the bosom of the air.

**WHISKEY**

O Chad, Chad! wherefore art thou Chad?  
Deny thy team and refuse thy name;  
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,  
And I'll no longer be a hockey player.

**CHAD**

[Aside] Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?

**WHISKEY**

'Tis but thy name that is my enemy;  
Thou art thyself, though not a LAX bro.  
What's LAX bro? it is nor hand, nor foot,  
Nor ass, nor dick, nor any other part  
Belonging to a bro. O, be some other name!  
What's in a name? that which we call a jockstrap  
By any other name would smell as rank;  
So Chad would, were he not Chad call'd,  
Retain that dear perfection which he owes  
Without that title. Chad, doff thy name,  
And for that name which is no part of thee  
Take all myself.

**CHAD**

I take thee at thy word:  
Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized;  
Henceforth I never will be Chad.

**WHISKEY**

What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in night  
So stumblest on my counsel?

**CHAD**

By a name  
I know not how to tell thee who I am:  
My name, dear bro, is hateful to myself,  
Because it is an enemy to thee;  
Had I it written, I would piss on the word.

**WHISKEY**

My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words  
Of that tongue's utterance, yet I know the sound:  
Art thou not Chad and a LAX bro?

**CHAD**

Neither, fair dude, if either thee dislike.

**WHISKEY**

How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore?  
The lawn is high and hard to climb,  
And the place death, considering who thou art,  
If any of my teammates find thee here.

**CHAD**

With love's sick wings did I o'er-perch these lawns;  
For trashed limits cannot hold love out,  
And what love can do that dares love attempt;  
Therefore thy teammates are no yardsale to me.

**WHISKEY**

If they do see thee, they will murder thee.

**CHAD**

Alack, there lies more peril in thine eye  
Than twenty of their hockey sticks: look thou but sweet,  
And I am proof against their enmity.

**WHISKEY**

I would not for the Stanley Cup they saw thee here.

**CHAD**

I have night's cloak to hide me from their sight;  
And but thou love me, let them find me here:  
My life were better ended by their hate,  
Than death prorogued, wanting of thy love.

**WHISKEY**

By whose direction found'st thou out this place?

**CHAD**

By love, who first did prompt me to inquire;  
He lent me counsel and I lent him eyes.  
I am no pilot; yet, wert thou as far  
As that vast Lake Quad wash'd with the Pond,  
I would adventure for such merchandise.

**WHISKEY**

Thou know'st the hockey helmet of night is on my face,  
Else would a maiden blush bepaint my cheek  
For that which thou hast heard me speak to-night  
Fain would I dwell on form, fain, fain deny  
What I have spoke: but farewell compliment!  
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say 'Ay,'  
And I will take thy word: yet if thou swear'st,  
Thou mayst prove false; at lovers' perjuries  
Then say, Bad Bob laughs. O gentle Chad,  
If thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully:  
Or if thou think'st I am too quickly won,  
I'll frown and be perverse an say thee nay,  
So thou wilt woo; but else, not for the world.  
In truth, fair LAX bro, I am too fond,  
And therefore thou mayst think my 'havior light:  
But trust me, dude, I'll prove more true  
Than those that have more cunning to be strange.  
I should have been more strange, I must confess,  
But that thou overheard'st, ere I was ware,  
My true love's passion: therefore pardon me,  
And not impute this yielding to light love,  
Which the dark night hath so discovered.

**CHAD**

Dude, by yonder blessed moon I swear  
That tips with silver all these frat house roofs--

**WHISKEY**

O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon,  
That monthly changes in her circled orb,  
Lest that thy love prove likewise variable.

**CHAD**

What shall I swear by?

**WHISKEY**

Do not swear at all;  
Or, if thou wilt, swear by the Stanley Cup,  
Which is the god of my idolatry,  
And I'll believe thee.

**CHAD**

If my heart's dear love--

**WHISKEY**

Well, do not swear: although I joy in thee,  
I have no joy of this contract to-night:  
It is too rash, too unadvised, too sudden;  
Too like the lightning, which doth cease to be  
Ere one can say 'It lightens.' Sweet, good night!  
This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath,  
May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet.  
Good night, good night! as sweet repose and rest  
Come to thy heart as that within my breast!

**CHAD**

O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?

**WHISKEY**

What satisfaction canst thou have to-night?

**CHAD**

The exchange of thy dick's faithful vow for mine.

**WHISKEY**

I gave thee mine before thou didst request it:  
And yet I would it were to give again.

**CHAD**

Wouldst thou withdraw it? for what purpose, love?

**WHISKEY**

But to be frank, and give it thee again.  
And yet I wish but for the thing I have:  
My bounty is as boundless as the tub juice,  
My love as deep; the more I give to thee,  
The more I have, for both are infinite.

_Tango calls within_

I hear some noise within; dear love, adieu!  
Anon, good nurse! Sweet LAX bro, be true.  
Stay but a little, I will come again.

_Exit, above_

**CHAD**

O blessed, blessed night! I am afeard.  
Being in night, all this is but a dream,  
Too flattering-sweet to be substantial.

_Re-enter WHISKEY, above_

**WHISKEY**

Three words, dear Chad, and good night indeed.  
If that thy bent of love be honourable,  
Thy purpose some dick, send me word to-morrow,  
By one that I'll procure to come to thee,  
Where and what time thou wilt perform the rite;  
And all my fortunes at thy foot I'll lay  
And follow thee my dude throughout the NCAA championships.

**Tango**

[Within] Dude!

**WHISKEY**

I come, anon.--But if thou mean'st not well,  
I do beseech thee--

**Tango**

[Within] Dude!

**WHISKEY**

By and by, I come:--  
To cease thy suit, and leave me to my grief:  
To-morrow will I send.

**CHAD**

So thrive my soul--

**WHISKEY**

A thousand times good night!

_Exit, above_

**CHAD**

A thousand times the worse, to want thy light.  
Love goes toward love, as frat boys to their drinks,  
But love from love, toward school with hungover looks.

_Retiring_

_Re-enter WHISKEY, above_

**WHISKEY**

Hist! Chad, hist! O, for a referee's voice,  
To lure this LAX bro back again!  
Bondage is hoarse, and may not speak aloud;  
Else would I tear the cave where Echo lies,  
And make her airy tongue more hoarse than mine,  
With repetition of my Chad's name.

**CHAD**

It is my soul that calls upon my name:  
How silver-sweet sound lovers' tongues by night,  
Like softest music to attending ears!

**WHISKEY**

Chad!

**CHAD**

My dear?

**WHISKEY**

At what o'clock to-morrow  
Shall I send to thee?

**CHAD**

At the hour of nine.

**WHISKEY**

I will not fail: 'tis twenty years till then.  
I have forgot why I did call thee back.

**CHAD**

Let me stand here till thou remember it.

**WHISKEY**

I shall forget, to have thee still stand there,  
Remembering how I love thy company.

**CHAD**

And I'll still stay, to have thee still forget,  
Forgetting any other Haus but this.

**WHISKEY**

'Tis almost morning; I would have thee gone:  
And yet no further than a wanton's bird;  
Who lets it hop a little from her hand,  
Like a poor hockey player in the penalty box,  
And with a silk thread plucks it back again,  
So loving-jealous of his liberty.

**CHAD**

I would I were thy bird.

**WHISKEY**

Sweet, so would I:  
Yet I should kill thee with much cherishing.  
Good night, good night! parting is such  
sweet sorrow,  
That I shall say good night till it be morrow.

_Exit above_

**CHAD**

Sleep dwell upon thine eyes, peace in thy breast!  
Would I were sleep and peace, so sweet to rest!  
Hence will I to my frat house’s party,  
Their help to crave, and my dear hap to tell.

_Exit_

**Author's Note:**

> thank u omgcp hivemind..........thank u billy shakes...............im kind of sorry but mostly not  
> [ <3 ](https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/)


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